December 5, 2007

Dear Parents and Members of the Community,

Thinking About the New Year

The Palo Alto Unified School District Strategic Plan, written in 2003, aims for “Thoughtful, resilient students with a passion for learning . . . fostering the genius in each child.”  The topic of resilience is receiving considerable attention among educators and others who think about children and young adults. 

A good friend of mine gave a talk in which he asked what we wanted for our children.  The answers circled around definitions of success – a fulfilling job, financial security, a loving relationship, etc. 

Then he asked what we REALLY wanted for our kids.  The tone in the room turned more serious.  Answers turned to hopes that our children can avoid disappointment and failure – that they don’t become sick, lose a job, and the like.

Finally, he asked what we REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted for our children.  As we grappled with our most fervent hopes for our children, and thought about our inability to control their fates, we agreed that our deepest desire was that our children have the strength to deal with the challenges, failures, and mishaps they will inevitably encounter.

Weren’t we really hoping for resilience for our children?

A recent scientific study found that sewer rats are in fact healthier than rats raised in laboratories.  The answer is biologically obvious – the sewer rats have developed strong immune systems because of their adverse environment. 

How, then, do our young people acquire the mental equivalent of a strong immune system – resilience?  It seems to me that in our efforts to make sure students are comfortable and successful, we may actually reduce our ability to foster their resilience.  Just like athletes who punish their bodies in practice so they become stronger for their games, our children need to experience setbacks in order to become stronger.  We love our children so much that we want the best for them at all times.  But by making sure they have what we want for them, we are ignoring how that affects what they REALLY, REALLY need.

We all know children and adults for whom “success came too early.”  They “had it all” at a precocious age.  And yet some of the most “successful” people we know came from the most humble backgrounds.  There was something about their struggle that was a necessary precursor for their later success.  Perhaps that’s why so many immigrants to this country have been so successful – they had to overcome many more obstacles than others and this has made them stronger and, yes, more resilient.

And so how do schools nurture resiliency?  In the same way that life does, perhaps.  Our children will not all be first in their class.  Their strongest efforts on the athletic fields or trying out for the school play will not always result in victory or the lead part.  But these apparent “failures” teach our children how to deal with setbacks and how to persevere.  These skills will serve them well as they enter “the real world” where success and failure, recognition and praise, are much more measured and capricious.

We are able to provide our children with many opportunities that were not possible during our formative years.  While my wife and I were never deprived, our children’s lives are easier than ours.  While this is the American Dream, I worry about its effect on my children’s resilience.

But this doesn’t mean that schools and parents have a responsibility to mete out harsh critiques and overwhelming expectations.  Just like parents, teachers and staff need to measure our praise, we also need to help our students deal with criticism and failures appropriately.  This isn’t easy and we won’t always do it right, but we must be reflective about how making things easy for our students ends up making ultimate success more difficult.

Kevin Skelly , Ph.D.
Superintendent